"Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny. " Ecclesiastes 6:10
I remember a conversation I had years ago about God's destiny existing peacefully with free will. The person that I spoke with said the two were like a lion and a lamb, one's presence kills the other. I agreed that in the natural order of things he was right, but we weren't talking about the natural world. We were talking about God.
The scripture says "everything is already decided". Now, I could just end the post right there and pack it up. But there's more to it than that. God has this master blueprint. I always think of it like those maps at the zoo or amusement parks. The roads lead you to the exact destination of each animal or ride. God has created each of us to fulfill a purpose in His master plan. I know that's difficult to see because it's such a divine vision and, after all, there are A LOT of people for Him to account for. But He's God!!! So each person's destiny is already mapped out. He knows exactly what that person is here for and exactly how many times the mark will be missed because of free will.
Free will, you see, is the part where we argue with God. He tells us one thing, we hear it, we do what we want. Sound familiar? I remember one time in specific in my journey where I just knew this particular man was to be mine. Every time we had plans he would stand me up, with some fabulous excuse. Every time God would tell me that I was worth more, that the man who I was meant for would never disrespect me. But I argued with Him and did what I wanted. Three months later, I was back at the same place I had been before I met this man. I didn't change my destiny. I just chose a path that sent me in a circle (one that took me 90 days away from my destiny) and blocked me from my blessings. God's plan for me never changed, He just allowed me to use my own free will to make a choice. He tried to warn me against it, even showed me a glimpse of my destiny, but my choice was to ultimately waste time.
So the lion and the lamb can coexist with God. He can give you free will and still have a divine purpose for you mapped out. The determinant of whether that free will leads you to God's purpose for you now... or months from now, is you. If you listen to God's guidance, your lion can exist peacefully with your lamb.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
A fear of the unknown keeps a lot of people from leaving bad situations.Kathie Lee Gifford spoke this quote about leaving a hugely successful show to go into the unknown. Her identity had been consumed with who she was as a part of what she had done, so much so that she had trouble letting it go.
Today, a constant in my life for 3 1/2 years will cease to exist, and I'm at peace with it. The peace exits because I gave the uncertainty to God. You see prior to today, when the same idea of change was presented to me, I braced for the impact, the way you do when you're in a car accident. You think tightening up will prevent injury, but in actuality, it just adds to it. Nonetheless, I got in stance for the jolt before instead of embracing the positives.
My daughter's father is leaving. He's not leaving me and our relationship. That's been long gone. But he's moving 5 hours away to regain his stability.
Leaving... I totally despise that word, because I know that after the leaving, things are never the same.
What if my baby girl feels a sense of detachment? What if he never comes back? What if she endures the pain of an absent father like I do daily? What if... There are enough what ifs to paint the sky a plethora of colors. But the what ifs are only fear. Fear of what's to come, fear of an unknown situation.
Last time, when he said he needed to go, I responded with disgust, proclaiming my veto of the thought of doing such a thing to our daughter.
This time I just listened, heard all of the reasons that leaving was the thing to do. As I sat there and soaked up bits and pieces of his words, I watched my daughter's world fall to pieces. I didn't want to hear the positive elements. I just wanted her life to not mimic mine so much. But I just sat there as the words bounced through my head and to my heart like daggers.
After the eternity of silence, I simply said, I have no advice for you except that I would do it differently. But wasn't that the very reason that our relationship had ended 6 months prior?! I breathed deeply and agreed with nothing else except that living here was producing no results for stability for my sweet girl.
So he's leaving. No time limit. No actual visitation plan. Only promises that with leaving stability will shortly follow.
I pray that the unknown produces favorable results, but I still fear an unlikely outcome.
Leaving is not the villain. It's the unknown that will keep me up at night.
Leaving is the catalyst for change. It's the unknown change that takes my breath away.
Leaving is leaving. But what is the unknown.