"Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny. " Ecclesiastes 6:10
I remember a conversation I had years ago about God's destiny existing peacefully with free will. The person that I spoke with said the two were like a lion and a lamb, one's presence kills the other. I agreed that in the natural order of things he was right, but we weren't talking about the natural world. We were talking about God.
The scripture says "everything is already decided". Now, I could just end the post right there and pack it up. But there's more to it than that. God has this master blueprint. I always think of it like those maps at the zoo or amusement parks. The roads lead you to the exact destination of each animal or ride. God has created each of us to fulfill a purpose in His master plan. I know that's difficult to see because it's such a divine vision and, after all, there are A LOT of people for Him to account for. But He's God!!! So each person's destiny is already mapped out. He knows exactly what that person is here for and exactly how many times the mark will be missed because of free will.
Free will, you see, is the part where we argue with God. He tells us one thing, we hear it, we do what we want. Sound familiar? I remember one time in specific in my journey where I just knew this particular man was to be mine. Every time we had plans he would stand me up, with some fabulous excuse. Every time God would tell me that I was worth more, that the man who I was meant for would never disrespect me. But I argued with Him and did what I wanted. Three months later, I was back at the same place I had been before I met this man. I didn't change my destiny. I just chose a path that sent me in a circle (one that took me 90 days away from my destiny) and blocked me from my blessings. God's plan for me never changed, He just allowed me to use my own free will to make a choice. He tried to warn me against it, even showed me a glimpse of my destiny, but my choice was to ultimately waste time.
So the lion and the lamb can coexist with God. He can give you free will and still have a divine purpose for you mapped out. The determinant of whether that free will leads you to God's purpose for you now... or months from now, is you. If you listen to God's guidance, your lion can exist peacefully with your lamb.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Leaving
A fear of the unknown keeps a lot of people from leaving bad situations.
Kathie Lee Gifford spoke this quote about leaving a hugely successful show to go into the unknown. Her identity had been consumed with who she was as a part of what she had done, so much so that she had trouble letting it go.
Today, a constant in my life for 3 1/2 years will cease to exist, and I'm at peace with it. The peace exits because I gave the uncertainty to God. You see prior to today, when the same idea of change was presented to me, I braced for the impact, the way you do when you're in a car accident. You think tightening up will prevent injury, but in actuality, it just adds to it. Nonetheless, I got in stance for the jolt before instead of embracing the positives.
My daughter's father is leaving. He's not leaving me and our relationship. That's been long gone. But he's moving 5 hours away to regain his stability.
Leaving... I totally despise that word, because I know that after the leaving, things are never the same.
What if my baby girl feels a sense of detachment? What if he never comes back? What if she endures the pain of an absent father like I do daily? What if... There are enough what ifs to paint the sky a plethora of colors. But the what ifs are only fear. Fear of what's to come, fear of an unknown situation.
Last time, when he said he needed to go, I responded with disgust, proclaiming my veto of the thought of doing such a thing to our daughter.
This time I just listened, heard all of the reasons that leaving was the thing to do. As I sat there and soaked up bits and pieces of his words, I watched my daughter's world fall to pieces. I didn't want to hear the positive elements. I just wanted her life to not mimic mine so much. But I just sat there as the words bounced through my head and to my heart like daggers.
After the eternity of silence, I simply said, I have no advice for you except that I would do it differently. But wasn't that the very reason that our relationship had ended 6 months prior?! I breathed deeply and agreed with nothing else except that living here was producing no results for stability for my sweet girl.
So he's leaving. No time limit. No actual visitation plan. Only promises that with leaving stability will shortly follow.
I pray that the unknown produces favorable results, but I still fear an unlikely outcome.
Leaving is not the villain. It's the unknown that will keep me up at night.
Leaving is the catalyst for change. It's the unknown change that takes my breath away.
Leaving is leaving. But what is the unknown.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Right Where I Belong...Because HE said so!
The artist is chosen by God to fulfill his commands and must never be overwhelmed by public opinion. Albrecht Druer
In life, sometimes, there exists this conflict between the people around you and the God who created you. You pray to Him, talk with Him, and feel that you are doing what He has called of you to do, but no one around you sees it.
God has the master plan, a blueprint per se, that lets Him know right where each person belongs. To say that you are in the wrong place or doing the wrong thing, especially if it is a positive move you are making, is to say that God doesn't know what He is doing.
People have opinions. There's always a critic. However, the focus of our worlds is to make sure we are fulfilling our place in the world, making God look good.
He has CHOSEN us to do what we are doing. He has picked our destiny that we may fulfill it and the position he appointed for us in his master plan. If you fail to act out your destiny, you are failing to act out your part in God's play, a role that he so desperately needs filled!
God needs you. The people around you need you. Ask God where he wants you and GO!
In life, sometimes, there exists this conflict between the people around you and the God who created you. You pray to Him, talk with Him, and feel that you are doing what He has called of you to do, but no one around you sees it.
God has the master plan, a blueprint per se, that lets Him know right where each person belongs. To say that you are in the wrong place or doing the wrong thing, especially if it is a positive move you are making, is to say that God doesn't know what He is doing.
People have opinions. There's always a critic. However, the focus of our worlds is to make sure we are fulfilling our place in the world, making God look good.
He has CHOSEN us to do what we are doing. He has picked our destiny that we may fulfill it and the position he appointed for us in his master plan. If you fail to act out your destiny, you are failing to act out your part in God's play, a role that he so desperately needs filled!
God needs you. The people around you need you. Ask God where he wants you and GO!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." -Will Rogers
Wow! This quote is frighteningly true. We rush through our weeks, wish away our days, curse our boredom, but then inevitably wonder where the time went when we find ourselves older than we'd like to be.
Part of the problem is our inability as humans to enjoy the precious present moment and to be satisfied with what we have. All of our lives we, as well as our parents, wished us into the future. When we were born, our parents began wishing we could crawl, then walk, then talk. That doesn't necessarily imply that they weren't enjoying our cooing or immobility, but they wanted more and were wishing away time for it to happen.
When we became small children we wished we were big enough to ride the Ferris wheel or to walk in the deep end of the pool- unconsciously hoping time would speed up. And then we became teenagers who wished we were old enough to drive. When we could drive, we wished we could drink legally. When we could drink legally, we wished we were finished school. When we finished school, we wished we had better jobs. When we got better jobs, we wished we had a family. You get the idea.
We have spent our entire lives wishing away time to reach a point where we are at a better place. I would venture to say that once we reach that place, we start to yearn for some of that time back. I do. I look at my responsibilities now and for a split second miss being a kid with no responsibilities, no sense of time, and the naiveness that allows you to be void of worry and love life. I know that my mom sometimes wishes she were my age again, when she had kids to take care of and a family to do things for because it was in that time that she felt purpose. She is enjoying her life but missing the younger days.
The other part of the problem which this quote brings to light is that we spend so much time trying to find something to do with our time that we waste away our time. Again, we are not content with what we have and need more. I believe this comes partly from our need to be stimulated 24/7. In older days, people could sit around a fire and talk, sing, and sit in silence yet still be amused. This day in age, from babies we are given things to stimulate us. We are sat in front of the TV, shown the joys of the internet, and given gadgets to play with. I am not saying these stimulants are negative, but only that we are continuously being entertained. Because of this fact, we are not happy just sitting in silence (unless of course we are stressed to the max and need a little time away), or even just sitting outside and watching the trees blow in the breeze. These activities are considered boring to most, even our children. We do things all the while hoping they would just be done and over with so that we could get to the next thing. When you think about how many times you do this in a day, it's overwhelming and terrible to say the least.
All the while, we are trying to find something more stimulating to do and something that is better than what we did before, wishing away time while trying not to age.
Does anyone see the irony in all of this?
The moments we are given cannot be retrieved. You can't get them back. This everyone knows. But the other part is that we can't trick ourselves into thinking that we are cherishing our time when in reality we are wishing it away while planning stimulation for the future.
Inevitably we will get old, and inevitably we will wish back the moments we are in right now. At some point in life we will want to be right where we are today. At that point, we won't be able to get his moment back. So, live you're life knowing that, that at one point you will wish this time back, and that the only way to avoid doing that is to cherish and revel in this moment regardless of its level of enjoyment.
Wow! This quote is frighteningly true. We rush through our weeks, wish away our days, curse our boredom, but then inevitably wonder where the time went when we find ourselves older than we'd like to be.
Part of the problem is our inability as humans to enjoy the precious present moment and to be satisfied with what we have. All of our lives we, as well as our parents, wished us into the future. When we were born, our parents began wishing we could crawl, then walk, then talk. That doesn't necessarily imply that they weren't enjoying our cooing or immobility, but they wanted more and were wishing away time for it to happen.
When we became small children we wished we were big enough to ride the Ferris wheel or to walk in the deep end of the pool- unconsciously hoping time would speed up. And then we became teenagers who wished we were old enough to drive. When we could drive, we wished we could drink legally. When we could drink legally, we wished we were finished school. When we finished school, we wished we had better jobs. When we got better jobs, we wished we had a family. You get the idea.
We have spent our entire lives wishing away time to reach a point where we are at a better place. I would venture to say that once we reach that place, we start to yearn for some of that time back. I do. I look at my responsibilities now and for a split second miss being a kid with no responsibilities, no sense of time, and the naiveness that allows you to be void of worry and love life. I know that my mom sometimes wishes she were my age again, when she had kids to take care of and a family to do things for because it was in that time that she felt purpose. She is enjoying her life but missing the younger days.
The other part of the problem which this quote brings to light is that we spend so much time trying to find something to do with our time that we waste away our time. Again, we are not content with what we have and need more. I believe this comes partly from our need to be stimulated 24/7. In older days, people could sit around a fire and talk, sing, and sit in silence yet still be amused. This day in age, from babies we are given things to stimulate us. We are sat in front of the TV, shown the joys of the internet, and given gadgets to play with. I am not saying these stimulants are negative, but only that we are continuously being entertained. Because of this fact, we are not happy just sitting in silence (unless of course we are stressed to the max and need a little time away), or even just sitting outside and watching the trees blow in the breeze. These activities are considered boring to most, even our children. We do things all the while hoping they would just be done and over with so that we could get to the next thing. When you think about how many times you do this in a day, it's overwhelming and terrible to say the least.
All the while, we are trying to find something more stimulating to do and something that is better than what we did before, wishing away time while trying not to age.
Does anyone see the irony in all of this?
The moments we are given cannot be retrieved. You can't get them back. This everyone knows. But the other part is that we can't trick ourselves into thinking that we are cherishing our time when in reality we are wishing it away while planning stimulation for the future.
Inevitably we will get old, and inevitably we will wish back the moments we are in right now. At some point in life we will want to be right where we are today. At that point, we won't be able to get his moment back. So, live you're life knowing that, that at one point you will wish this time back, and that the only way to avoid doing that is to cherish and revel in this moment regardless of its level of enjoyment.
Live Laugh Love
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Because bound by conditions...it's not love.
"The only love worthy of a name is unconditional." John Powell
I love the color yellow, the feeling of the sand between my toes, a warm summer breeze, forehead kisses, and down comforters. I love a lot of things, but only when I use the word love loosely...that's not unconditional love. Yellow is a pretty color; it is my favorite, but sometimes I prefer green to yellow. The sand between my toes feels amazing, but when it is wet, it's a mushy mess and sort of annoying. A warm summer breeze is nice until I'm really hot and just want the dang air condition. Forehead kisses are pretty much great all the time except if the person giving them just isn't right. Down comforters are SUPER comfy unless the room is way too hot to even want a blanket.
These are conditional "likes". They are not loves. I like all of the above listed things until something better comes along or alterations are made to them.
When we think of unconditional love we tend to think of the love of a parent for their child or the love of a dog for his owner. It is in these forms of love that we can see that no condition is placed on the feeling of love. God intended for all love to be unconditional love. However, we tend to place limitations and expectations on who and what we love. That simply stated isn't love.
When you truly love someone there is nothing they can do that would make that feeling stop...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! That person could lie, cheat, steal, kill, etc., and you neither physically or emotionally could even force yourself to stop loving them. Unconditional love lasts forever without any restrictions. Love without the unconditional is void of love.
For some reason, we have lost sight of the real representation of love or maybe we never had it to begin with. We say we love someone but only when we see our wants reflected in their actions. It is only when that person is who we would like for them to be that we say we love them. If unconditional love were a way of life, the word love would not exist in a past tense. Because to love would mean to have that feeling eternally, forever. Would you ever say that you once loved your child, father, or mother? No, you will love them even past their deaths because you truly do LOVE those people. Unfortunately, in the world we live in, all too often we hear of a wife who once loved her husband or a man who had love for that woman. The unfortunate part is that people honestly do not realize that what they have placed the title of "love" on, isn't love at all. It is a longing to feel loved and once that longing has been fulfilled, they are content. It isn't until that longing is unfulfilled and the presence of hurt emerges that these people decide to take away their "love".
I am an offender of this kind of loving. I have had relationships and friendships that have ended with me never thinking about that person again, but we were "so in love" in the moment. Those relationships only existed for the purpose of satisfying my wants. Although I gave alot while I was in those relationships, I no longer had a need for them when they ended so the feeling that was associated with them died as well.
God wants us to love as he has loved us. He loves us regardless of our shortcomings. We hurt Him in more ways than we know, and yet still He wants us to be in Heaven with Him. That is love. That is unconditional.
We need to experience the definition of what love is and what love is NOT before we profess our love to one another. If the love you are giving is only being expended for your own personal gratification, then it indeed is false love. The love that you give is true when you can honestly say that the love-ee can do NOTHING to make the feeling the love-er has for them go away.
Unconditional...without any restrictions or limitations.
I love the color yellow, the feeling of the sand between my toes, a warm summer breeze, forehead kisses, and down comforters. I love a lot of things, but only when I use the word love loosely...that's not unconditional love. Yellow is a pretty color; it is my favorite, but sometimes I prefer green to yellow. The sand between my toes feels amazing, but when it is wet, it's a mushy mess and sort of annoying. A warm summer breeze is nice until I'm really hot and just want the dang air condition. Forehead kisses are pretty much great all the time except if the person giving them just isn't right. Down comforters are SUPER comfy unless the room is way too hot to even want a blanket.
These are conditional "likes". They are not loves. I like all of the above listed things until something better comes along or alterations are made to them.
When we think of unconditional love we tend to think of the love of a parent for their child or the love of a dog for his owner. It is in these forms of love that we can see that no condition is placed on the feeling of love. God intended for all love to be unconditional love. However, we tend to place limitations and expectations on who and what we love. That simply stated isn't love.
When you truly love someone there is nothing they can do that would make that feeling stop...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! That person could lie, cheat, steal, kill, etc., and you neither physically or emotionally could even force yourself to stop loving them. Unconditional love lasts forever without any restrictions. Love without the unconditional is void of love.
For some reason, we have lost sight of the real representation of love or maybe we never had it to begin with. We say we love someone but only when we see our wants reflected in their actions. It is only when that person is who we would like for them to be that we say we love them. If unconditional love were a way of life, the word love would not exist in a past tense. Because to love would mean to have that feeling eternally, forever. Would you ever say that you once loved your child, father, or mother? No, you will love them even past their deaths because you truly do LOVE those people. Unfortunately, in the world we live in, all too often we hear of a wife who once loved her husband or a man who had love for that woman. The unfortunate part is that people honestly do not realize that what they have placed the title of "love" on, isn't love at all. It is a longing to feel loved and once that longing has been fulfilled, they are content. It isn't until that longing is unfulfilled and the presence of hurt emerges that these people decide to take away their "love".
I am an offender of this kind of loving. I have had relationships and friendships that have ended with me never thinking about that person again, but we were "so in love" in the moment. Those relationships only existed for the purpose of satisfying my wants. Although I gave alot while I was in those relationships, I no longer had a need for them when they ended so the feeling that was associated with them died as well.
God wants us to love as he has loved us. He loves us regardless of our shortcomings. We hurt Him in more ways than we know, and yet still He wants us to be in Heaven with Him. That is love. That is unconditional.
We need to experience the definition of what love is and what love is NOT before we profess our love to one another. If the love you are giving is only being expended for your own personal gratification, then it indeed is false love. The love that you give is true when you can honestly say that the love-ee can do NOTHING to make the feeling the love-er has for them go away.
Unconditional...without any restrictions or limitations.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Who's life is this anyway...
But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.
—2 Corinthians 11:3
So satan finds a way to steal your joy on every occassion that should add to it. This was proven to me this weekend after my baptism. I was and am on fire for God and was and am PUMPED to give my life to Him in the form of batism. I stepped down in that water and felt a cleansing like no other come over me, fill me, and cosume me. I have never felt as clean, holy, and proud as I did on Easter Sunday.
But that slowly changed...
You see satan saw my pure joy and was angry enough to try to take it away. He used the people closest to me as he usually does to make me feel as though the act of baptism was in some way a billboard that I was now perfect. I have given my life to God but that doesn't mean that I'm not a sinner or that I don't do sometimes stupid things. What it does mean is that I know that this life I am living isn't mine. This life is my God's life. He is using me for some purpose to do what he sees fit with me. While God has his clutches on me, satan is steadily trying to push me back down to my breaking point so that I will give up and say that I am already a sinner so sinning is acceptable.
I am not in this life to please others nor am I here to listen to their infinite wisdom regarding what my life should consist of. I am here to please my God who know that I am a mistake-maker, a false representation of His perfect vision of me but who loves me unconditionally despite my shortcomings. It is His life that I live imperfectly to perfection because He knows the desires of my heart and the strength of satan.
So when God has you on fire and ready to shout to the world that you are His, watch out for the vices satan uses to pull you back down (and he will). And remember that God has already written the novel of your life. He knows the error of your ways and the goodness of your heart, and yet still He loves us so much for living His live and fulfilling the purpose we play in his master plan.
—2 Corinthians 11:3
So satan finds a way to steal your joy on every occassion that should add to it. This was proven to me this weekend after my baptism. I was and am on fire for God and was and am PUMPED to give my life to Him in the form of batism. I stepped down in that water and felt a cleansing like no other come over me, fill me, and cosume me. I have never felt as clean, holy, and proud as I did on Easter Sunday.
But that slowly changed...
You see satan saw my pure joy and was angry enough to try to take it away. He used the people closest to me as he usually does to make me feel as though the act of baptism was in some way a billboard that I was now perfect. I have given my life to God but that doesn't mean that I'm not a sinner or that I don't do sometimes stupid things. What it does mean is that I know that this life I am living isn't mine. This life is my God's life. He is using me for some purpose to do what he sees fit with me. While God has his clutches on me, satan is steadily trying to push me back down to my breaking point so that I will give up and say that I am already a sinner so sinning is acceptable.
I am not in this life to please others nor am I here to listen to their infinite wisdom regarding what my life should consist of. I am here to please my God who know that I am a mistake-maker, a false representation of His perfect vision of me but who loves me unconditionally despite my shortcomings. It is His life that I live imperfectly to perfection because He knows the desires of my heart and the strength of satan.
So when God has you on fire and ready to shout to the world that you are His, watch out for the vices satan uses to pull you back down (and he will). And remember that God has already written the novel of your life. He knows the error of your ways and the goodness of your heart, and yet still He loves us so much for living His live and fulfilling the purpose we play in his master plan.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Treat others as THEY want to be treated...and get treated the way YOU want to be treated...
“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.” - John Gray -Author of "Women are from MARS, Men are from Venus"
WOW! How true this statement is! I haven't actually taken advantage of the infinite wisdom of Mr. Gray and read his book. However, I do hear that women don't particularly find the content remarkable, to say the least. If the book is anything like this one quote, I NEED to invest in a copy.
Unfortunately, the quote above drastically conflicts with one of the main principles taught to us as children, thus making both confusing. The sole problem is that many people, myself included, have been taught to treat others as they want to be treated. Well, that just doesn't work with someone who isn't on the same universal plane as you. Instead one must treat others as THEY want to be treated.
I am learning firsthand that you can't expect others to be satisfied with what would make you content. If you give what you want, you get no response, even if you make sure to communicate it. To get what you want you have to give what they want. If a man yearns to be needed, then as independent as I am, I must show him that he is needed to get what I want, which is to feel cherished. The problem is that I am NOT a man and do not know what actions will produce the result of feeling needed.
A feeling of necessity is, to me, doing things for others, but what is it for a man to feel needed? I still after diligent thinking do not have the answer for this. I think a man's desire to feel needed is ultimately a way to feed their ego, a way to make them feel as if they have something that others of their gender are lacking. (Obviously they do, or you wouldn't have picked them, but apparently that isn't enough in the way of reassurance). I'm certain that acts such as telling them how amazing they are and how much you appreciate the things they do work in your favor. However, I am not so sure that words are enough for men. They need you to show them that they are needed and not in the general sense. They don't want to help you open the pickle jar, which by the way you can do yourself with a couple quick taps of the handle end of a butter knife. Try it. It works! To feed a man's ego and to make him feel like he is needed, you have to inquire his advice on certain issues, even if you have already made your mind up. Ask him what you should do about the promotion at work, if you're making the right decision with your asks of your children, if there are different exercises you should be doing to strengthen your glutes....you get the idea! Make him feel like you are smart and intelligent but that you need his expertise to make the final decision. That will feed his ego. He will think "Wow! She needed me to make that decision!" You really didn't NEED him you just wanted his opinion, but that translates differently to a man. It's actually a simple case of inclusion. Include your guy in your world. Make him feel like he is a part of it. Make him feel like he is the only man that could helped you in this situation. As simple as it seems, most people forget somehow to do this and they man feels like you could take him or leave him.
The desire to be cherished is what fuels women. We do the things we do so that you will think "Wow! I have her. I am so lucky. No one could make me as happy as she does. I couldn't imagine life without her..." This is again a way to feed the ego but not in the same way. We want to know that you picked us for a reason and that our flaws as well as our positive attributes are the reason you're by our side. We don't care about being needed. We do things as a result of our genetic make up as caregivers not for the glory and praise. But for all the things we do, we expect to be cherished. Not everyone will do it the way we do. No difficulty lies in showing a woman she is cherished. Just tell her. Tell her that she is unique and that you wake up everyday grateful that she's beside you. It's just that easy.
All of this is because we are a society of envy and comparison. We criticize ourselves based on our perception of others and thus become jealous of what they have that you lack which causes you to not measure up. Everyone does this secure or insecure. This attitude is the ultimate reason that we NEED anything from our significant other to feel good. If we didn't fall into the trap of comparison, we wouldn't have a desire to feel needed or cherished, we would just be.
Our needs from our significant other obviously contrast with the lesson we were taught at a young age. You simply have to get to know the person you're with and give them what it is that makes them feel the emotions they desire to feel. I have generalized it here. It gets broader because different people have different desires. The main point is that to get what you want out of them don't do to them or give them what you like. Attempt to do and give what it is you like and don't expect them to take the hint from your actions. Communicate what you want and like. Tell them what makes you tick. If they don't act on it...well keep it moving.
We all need other people in our lives and we need them to do certain things for us. The problem lies in getting them to do those things. Simply put "give what they want and get what you want".
WOW! How true this statement is! I haven't actually taken advantage of the infinite wisdom of Mr. Gray and read his book. However, I do hear that women don't particularly find the content remarkable, to say the least. If the book is anything like this one quote, I NEED to invest in a copy.
Unfortunately, the quote above drastically conflicts with one of the main principles taught to us as children, thus making both confusing. The sole problem is that many people, myself included, have been taught to treat others as they want to be treated. Well, that just doesn't work with someone who isn't on the same universal plane as you. Instead one must treat others as THEY want to be treated.
I am learning firsthand that you can't expect others to be satisfied with what would make you content. If you give what you want, you get no response, even if you make sure to communicate it. To get what you want you have to give what they want. If a man yearns to be needed, then as independent as I am, I must show him that he is needed to get what I want, which is to feel cherished. The problem is that I am NOT a man and do not know what actions will produce the result of feeling needed.
A feeling of necessity is, to me, doing things for others, but what is it for a man to feel needed? I still after diligent thinking do not have the answer for this. I think a man's desire to feel needed is ultimately a way to feed their ego, a way to make them feel as if they have something that others of their gender are lacking. (Obviously they do, or you wouldn't have picked them, but apparently that isn't enough in the way of reassurance). I'm certain that acts such as telling them how amazing they are and how much you appreciate the things they do work in your favor. However, I am not so sure that words are enough for men. They need you to show them that they are needed and not in the general sense. They don't want to help you open the pickle jar, which by the way you can do yourself with a couple quick taps of the handle end of a butter knife. Try it. It works! To feed a man's ego and to make him feel like he is needed, you have to inquire his advice on certain issues, even if you have already made your mind up. Ask him what you should do about the promotion at work, if you're making the right decision with your asks of your children, if there are different exercises you should be doing to strengthen your glutes....you get the idea! Make him feel like you are smart and intelligent but that you need his expertise to make the final decision. That will feed his ego. He will think "Wow! She needed me to make that decision!" You really didn't NEED him you just wanted his opinion, but that translates differently to a man. It's actually a simple case of inclusion. Include your guy in your world. Make him feel like he is a part of it. Make him feel like he is the only man that could helped you in this situation. As simple as it seems, most people forget somehow to do this and they man feels like you could take him or leave him.
The desire to be cherished is what fuels women. We do the things we do so that you will think "Wow! I have her. I am so lucky. No one could make me as happy as she does. I couldn't imagine life without her..." This is again a way to feed the ego but not in the same way. We want to know that you picked us for a reason and that our flaws as well as our positive attributes are the reason you're by our side. We don't care about being needed. We do things as a result of our genetic make up as caregivers not for the glory and praise. But for all the things we do, we expect to be cherished. Not everyone will do it the way we do. No difficulty lies in showing a woman she is cherished. Just tell her. Tell her that she is unique and that you wake up everyday grateful that she's beside you. It's just that easy.
All of this is because we are a society of envy and comparison. We criticize ourselves based on our perception of others and thus become jealous of what they have that you lack which causes you to not measure up. Everyone does this secure or insecure. This attitude is the ultimate reason that we NEED anything from our significant other to feel good. If we didn't fall into the trap of comparison, we wouldn't have a desire to feel needed or cherished, we would just be.
Our needs from our significant other obviously contrast with the lesson we were taught at a young age. You simply have to get to know the person you're with and give them what it is that makes them feel the emotions they desire to feel. I have generalized it here. It gets broader because different people have different desires. The main point is that to get what you want out of them don't do to them or give them what you like. Attempt to do and give what it is you like and don't expect them to take the hint from your actions. Communicate what you want and like. Tell them what makes you tick. If they don't act on it...well keep it moving.
We all need other people in our lives and we need them to do certain things for us. The problem lies in getting them to do those things. Simply put "give what they want and get what you want".
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