Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Treat others as THEY want to be treated...and get treated the way YOU want to be treated...

“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.” - John Gray -Author of "Women are from MARS, Men are from Venus"

WOW! How true this statement is! I haven't actually taken advantage of the infinite wisdom of Mr. Gray and read his book. However, I do hear that women don't particularly find the content remarkable, to say the least. If the book is anything like this one quote, I NEED to invest in a copy.

Unfortunately, the quote above drastically conflicts with one of the main principles taught to us as children, thus making both confusing. The sole problem is that many people, myself included, have been taught to treat others as they want to be treated. Well, that just doesn't work with someone who isn't on the same universal plane as you. Instead one must treat others as THEY want to be treated.

I am learning firsthand that you can't expect others to be satisfied with what would make you content. If you give what you want, you get no response, even if you make sure to communicate it. To get what you want you have to give what they want. If a man yearns to be needed, then as independent as I am, I must show him that he is needed to get what I want, which is to feel cherished. The problem is that I am NOT a man and do not know what actions will produce the result of feeling needed.

A feeling of necessity is, to me, doing things for others, but what is it for a man to feel needed? I still after diligent thinking do not have the answer for this. I think a man's desire to feel needed is ultimately a way to feed their ego, a way to make them feel as if they have something that others of their gender are lacking. (Obviously they do, or you wouldn't have picked them, but apparently that isn't enough in the way of reassurance). I'm certain that acts such as telling them how amazing they are and how much you appreciate the things they do work in your favor. However, I am not so sure that words are enough for men. They need you to show them that they are needed and not in the general sense. They don't want to help you open the pickle jar, which by the way you can do yourself with a couple quick taps of the handle end of a butter knife. Try it. It works! To feed a man's ego and to make him feel like he is needed, you have to inquire his advice on certain issues, even if you have already made your mind up. Ask him what you should do about the promotion at work, if you're making the right decision with your asks of your children, if there are different exercises you should be doing to strengthen your get the idea! Make him feel like you are smart and intelligent but that you need his expertise to make the final decision. That will feed his ego. He will think "Wow! She needed me to make that decision!" You really didn't NEED him you just wanted his opinion, but that translates differently to a man. It's actually a simple case of inclusion. Include your guy in your world. Make him feel like he is a part of it. Make him feel like he is the only man that could helped you in this situation. As simple as it seems, most people forget somehow to do this and they man feels like you could take him or leave him.

The desire to be cherished is what fuels women. We do the things we do so that you will think "Wow! I have her. I am so lucky. No one could make me as happy as she does. I couldn't imagine life without her..." This is again a way to feed the ego but not in the same way. We want to know that you picked us for a reason and that our flaws as well as our positive attributes are the reason you're by our side. We don't care about being needed. We do things as a result of our genetic make up as caregivers not for the glory and praise. But for all the things we do, we expect to be cherished. Not everyone will do it the way we do. No difficulty lies in showing a woman she is cherished. Just tell her. Tell her that she is unique and that you wake up everyday grateful that she's beside you. It's just that easy.

All of this is because we are a society of envy and comparison. We criticize ourselves based on our perception of others and thus become jealous of what they have that you lack which causes you to not measure up. Everyone does this secure or insecure. This attitude is the ultimate reason that we NEED anything from our significant other to feel good. If we didn't fall into the trap of comparison, we wouldn't have a desire to feel needed or cherished, we would just be.

Our needs from our significant other obviously contrast with the lesson we were taught at a young age. You simply have to get to know the person you're with and give them what it is that makes them feel the emotions they desire to feel. I have generalized it here. It gets broader because different people have different desires. The main point is that to get what you want out of them don't do to them or give them what you like. Attempt to do and give what it is you like and don't expect them to take the hint from your actions. Communicate what you want and like. Tell them what makes you tick. If they don't act on it...well keep it moving.

We all need other people in our lives and we need them to do certain things for us. The problem lies in getting them to do those things. Simply put "give what they want and get what you want".

Friday, June 26, 2009

A legacy that lives on...

"The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example." -Benjamin Diraeli (British Prime Minister and Novelist)

R.I.P. Mr. Micheal Jackson. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. You will be remembered!

So Micheal Jackson passed away suddenly yesterday. No one expected it. No one believed it. A whole world of mourning started when the LA coroners office confirmed the awful truth. Micheal Jackson had passed away at the age of 50 from cardiac arrest.

The sudden passing of Mr. MJ cause me to start to think about who he was, what he meant to so many people, his tormented soul, but most of all the legacy he left, for his children, family, and the world to respect and with which to live.

No one knows when his time on Earth is up. It's already written when you will go, but the MAN above is the only person with the key to those records. Because your knowledge of the end of your existence is unknown, you must always prepare for this to be your last day. Add to your legacy every day you are here.

For MJ, as troubled as he was, everyday was just an addition to the legacy he left us with starting yesterday. And ultimately the legacy you leave is what matters. What will people say about you when you are gone? Did you make enough of an impression for the wrongs you did to be forgotten? What will your obituary/eulogy say? If you live your life as if you are creating a legacy, those won't be questions.

When I was thinking about the quote above, I pondered how to dissect it. Wondered about the meanings of the word legacy then I realized the word "HERO". A pretty strong word with which to start the quote. Actually, this word in the quote almost made me read on to more quotes to find the right quote of the day. Then I realized that a hero doesn't have to be a president or a firefighter or hold any title other than their name. You may be a hero to your child, to a neighbor, to your mother. My son, for example is a hero to my mom. Anyone can hold the title hero and not even be aware. Heroism again is in the eye of the beholder.

So this quote is not limiting at all. The quote actual makes you think more deeply about its meaning when you delve into the word "Hero" a little more.

When creating your legacy, you must remind yourself of it daily. Make sure that all of your actions are a staircase to the legacy you wish to leave. Outsiders should perceive your actions as a part of who you are and what you represent. If you want to be remembered for being a hard worker, well, you work hard. If you want people to acknowledge your extreme faith, you walk every road with God. However, you can't just do the actions, you must let it be known, be proud of your abilities to resemble that characteristic. If you make every action an example of the legacy you wish to leave, you have no choice but to create that existence for yourself. If you work diligently at it, you will be the example in people's life of what that characteristic means. Just like Micheal was a Pop Icon and a Music Mastery. People in your inner circle will use you as the example of that trait. Remember Karey...she was what a good mother, teacher, hard worker...should be.

Which leads me to my next point, you must create your legacy by example. You want your name to be valued and known and for your children to remember you as a wonderful person. The way to do that is to make sure you are a positive example to them. Make sure that if you want them to be a hard worker, you work hard. If you want them to be a lover and peacemaker, you do those things as well. The ultimate goal is to create a legacy the people you are leaving it for will live by, thus making their legacy when they're gone even stronger.

You must leave them with the idea to treasure so that they too will want the same for their families and so on. Your legacy paves the path for legacies after you and after them. Be an example of what you want that legacy to be perceived as and stick to it. None of this "Do as I say not as I do" mentality. Lead your family and people who love you down the right path whether through your personal path or through the legacy you leave when you are gone.

Think about what you want your legacy to be and start living it today. Your not alone, I'm starting this today too.

I want to be known for being a WONDERFUL caretaker, a great mother, a peacemaker, a hard worker, someone who doesn't complain and gets the job done, a Christ lover, a kind spirit, humorous, someone who is confident and walks with their head held high, a goal setter and seeker. I am going to start being a better example of these things today!

Happy legacy making! :)

Thursday, June 25, 2009


"I cannot give you the sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please everybody all the time." -Herbert Bayard Swope

This history behind the quote (just because I need to assure you and myself that he was at least educated :) ):
Herbert Bayard Swope was a Pulitzer Prize winner for reporting. He was the American reporter who invented the op-ed piece which took the fact out of a page of the news and added some enlightening opinion.

This quote is probably one of my favorites on so many levels but mainly because of the absolute truth in it! Everyone wants to be successful and refuses failure as an option, but the mute point usually is the reason behind the failure. Success is vague. Success is determined by the eye of the beholder. Some deem small things a success and others wait for the big break to feel fulfilled. Because of the ambiguity of success, determining a universal means to reach it, is almost impossible. However, across the board, certainty exists in the fact that trying to please everyone else all the time deters you from your success.

I have been presented with this theory in life time and time again. My character flaws are many, but this one creates the most annoyance for me. I ultimately desire to rid myself of the need for acceptance that looms over me. If I could go through the day thinking of only myself and the happiness I create for me, I would be a much happier... Perplexing, I know. The happiness I intend to gain by making others happy could be properly attained if I would only worry about making myself happy. Hmmm... a nice thought; unfortunately, my mind is not trained this way. My mind is trained to think about other people all the time. To put it mildly with uneducated vocabulary : IT SUCKS!

I find myself sweating bullets when I'm driving and someone behind me is driving rather closely to my bumper not because I am irritated that if I slammed on my breaks this guy would be in my front seat, but conversely because I am worried that this "John Doe" is angry with me that I am in his way and going too slowly! RIDICULOUS! Pretty frequently I am found in these awkward situations with similar emotions running through my head. As a side note: Please realize that some people in your life are Bi-polar and do not know from minute to minute what makes them happy let alone what you can do to make them happy. Take it as a loss. You cannot please these people. They are toxic!

The fact of the matter is everyone, whether it be a friend, family member, or complete stranger, has an expectation of you. But why? One must assume that they are attempting to fulfill some kind of desire for themself through this expectation of you. (Because I mean let's face it : Most people are out for themselves and don't share this same desire for world happiness as you do). Because of this assumption, it is safe to say that they will gain something through their expectation of you. Otherwise, they wouldn't care enough to have that expectation to begin with!

In the end though, you are the one stuck trying to make a group of people happy who may share different views and ideas of what is the appropriate action for you. After reading the quote, you can see that it's not the act of trying to please people in general that leads to failure, it's the act of trying to please people (notice the plural) all of the time. It cannot be done. It will lead to your demise and more importantly to the failure of your goals and thus to your unsuccessfullness.

You possess ownership of your success. It is yours and you are the only person that can get you there. Thus ensuring your own happiness is the tried and true way for you to reach your successes in life. And if you find that there are a BUNCH of people who are disapproving...ask the one whose opinion really matters and pray on it. You control your destiny but He has already written it!

Make yourself happy today! :)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The joys of irrational people...

" You can't reason with unreasonable people" -Anonymous

I'm not sure the origination of this quote, but I was made aware of it yesterday by my dear cousin who has been through trials and tribulations that most don't even fathom. Consequently, I call on her advisement A LOT! She seems to know the best responses.

So, yesterday, on the day of birth of my " journey to peace of mind", I decided to contact someone who undoubtedly has a HUGE issue with me. Her issues exist because of jealousy. This fact is very apparent. However, I decided that I would be the better person, bite the bullet, and end a confrontation before it even started. So I found her contact info, prepared a VERY nice and compassionate email, and sent it!

As I waited with anticipation, a million thoughts ran through my mind. I hoped she would react as I would have in her situation. I prayed for a resolution. I sweated for 3 whole minutes while awaiting her response... Yea....ummmm....she wanted to know who I was...NOT the response I had hoped for but, hey, a response none the less. So after a couple of emails of explanation, I finally was able to get to the main point of the contact. THIS EMAIL IS A PEACE OFFERING...

The fact that I had the audacity to contact her made her a little angry. OOPS! Again not the response I had anticipated. So she requested that I not contact her and stay out of "her" business. I agreed and then agreed to disagree and left it alone.

Apparently it wasn't forgotten because it blew up into a tornado of consequences for the "middle man". As apologetic as I was, the consequences continuously got worse.

I had A BUNCH of time to reflect on the happenings of the day. So I went to the park where I could peacefully resume my trek to inner peace. So I thought and thought and worried and thought some more. (wait ...wasn't this program supposed to rid me of my thought processes!?). And after talking with some very intelligent people I know I came to the following conclusion.

You must always do what makes you feel better. I did feel better after I talked with her and let her know that I was cooperative. But the part I omitted was that you must do what makes you feel better while thinking of the consequences to others and the outcome in the end. So basically, I caused a bunch of consequences which reached the polar opposite of my goal. I felt better but then extremely worse because of the repercussions that were faced all because of my big fat mouth. The reasoning, though, is very simple. I viewed the situation through my eyes, a reasonable person viewing the scenario, coming up with a reasonable solution, and acting on it. My mistake was in the inability to realize that not everyone is like me. Some people like conflict, feed off of it, use it as a driving force in their life. Not everyone cares what people think of them or say about them even if it affects children in the process. The ultimate lesson learned: You simply CANNOT reason with unreasonable people. The results are tried and true. The same outcome exists with these people whether your comments are reasonable or not. They remain and react as the irrational , unreasonable people that they are.

Monday, June 22, 2009


So I decided to start a blog because I have this mind that just doesn't stop thinking...worrying...and caring. I guess this is my gift/curse from God. I seriously care too much about things, things that don't even directly concern me, but effect me all the same. I call it a curse because at times this "quality" consumes me, causes me to miss the precious present moments that I should be enjoying.

My caring led me to this blogging page. I've never blogged before. Never read a blog, posted a blog, or possessed a desire to delve into the world of blogging and that which formulates it. But I'm here. Really because of my curiosity and caring, my desire to know the make up of the unknown dimensions of my world.

So I read a blog...or two...or three. Blogs that I probably should have left unread, but again that curiousity thing got the best of me. Now, here I am posting a blog. I, however, have decided that my blogs will be therapuetic in nature, information that I find enlightening and of quality that should be shared with the technical world.

This will be my devotional of sorts. I plan to blog about aspects of substance and then relate them to everyday life.

Please offer your opinions, suggestions, and requests.

The first blog....

Since I have decided that I must calm myself down and learn to deal with stress better, I have started a "pathway to inner peace program" for myself...yes, it may seem a little strange, but I realize that there are somethings that I must do to make my mind healthier. The program is my first course of action. I have decided that the initial step is to search for a daily quote, some saying that some famous philosopher said a million years ago that may possibly help my thought processes today. So today my quote came from Reverend Richard Levy. Reverend Levy and his wife are a team who travel the world preaching the word of God but also helping people to find inner peace. His quote was amazing and caused an epiphany for me.

" When we are present in every moment, the past gently rolls up behind us and the future slowly unravels before us." -Reverend Richard Levy

The quote made me think of carpet. When you're laying new carpet (a new foundation), you roll up the old carpet behind you before you unravel the new carpet ahead of you. Consequently, if you hang on to the past (the old carpet), you lose the full effect of the future (the new carpet). So to fully devote yourself to life, one must be in the moment, mind, body, and soul fully engulfed in the precious present moment. I am going to practice this today. When I start to dwell on the past or fret about something in the future, I will remind myself what a hideous mess the living room floor would be if a mixture of old and new consumed it.

Life, as well, becomes a catastrophe of emotions and fears when you allow your mind to take you away from the "now". This fact of life particularly pertains to me because I allow so much of the past to create my concerns and worries for the future that I forget to bask in my beautiful surroundings.

You see, pulling the burden of the past with you along your journey to the future while in an oblivion of the present only takes you to that future point and makes the present moment your past. So what you do is create a cycle of trudging to the next future while missing out on the enjoyment the journey through the present should provide you.

To Reverend Levy I say: Lesson learned. Every present moment was a future moment that I was anxious about and will eventually be a past moment that I will carry with me to the next future moment, unless I decide to alter the cycle and just be happy and content in the moment that I am given now.